Depressing Times

Perhaps not surprisingly, I’ve been suffering a bit from post marathon depression. Like any other runner I had become accustomed to the endorphins kicking in when we run. They help to keep us happy. When the endorphins are no longer released we have a greater chance of depression setting in.

Having suffered for a number of years with a combination of stress, depression and chronic fatigue, I’ve found it a difficult period. My sleeping patterns have become even worse than usual, my appetite has decreased, my concentration has suffered, I constantly feel tired and my running has become even more sluggish than usual.

Since reading my London Marathon Blog, a number of friends have asked me about my Chronic Fatigue. I’ve suffered for years now. I was in hospital with Gastroenteritis and never fully recovered, finding myself getting weaker and weaker and taking dizzy turns, to such an extent that I could hardly walk to the Doctors, let alone run. After a lengthy period of slowly building myself up and increasing my daily walks, I was able to return to work. However the stress at work set me back and despite attempting to return to work on a number of occasions, I ended up on long term sick and eventually on incapacity benefit.

The NHS were great, providing me with drugs, counseling, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and homeopathic support. Going through the counseling made me realise that I was exactly the type of person who was likely to suffer from depression. I returned to running, building it up slowly and eventually being able to compete in races. Of course, not working meant that I could rest before and after my races and, on most occasions, keep my Chronic Fatigue hidden. I felt sorry for Bellahouston Road Runner club mates who didn’t really understand why, every now and then, I would collapse after or sometimes during a race. I had a few scares particularly at the Great Scottish Half, the Isle of Mull Half, the Run With the Wind 10k and worst of all the Edinburgh Marathon in 2008. I knew that a Marathon would be a major challenge to me but I had been given a free entry as I had run in the inaugural event in 1983. I hadn’t intended to run in 1983 but my best pal, Willie McFall, had died four weeks prior to the race and I decided to take up his place. I was a rugby player, rather than a runner and given my four week training plan, I was overjoyed to complete the 26.2 miles it in a pre-chip time of 3:26:12. I had actually thought a marathon was 25mile long! Despite having a somewhat longer training schedule in 2008, the Chronic Fatigue set in and I collapsed after about 20mile, although if truth be told I had been out of it for miles before that. After receiving medical treatment and being put on a drip for almost an hour, my Garmin had went onto auto pause, I persuaded the medical team to let me complete the Marathon, which I did with a total time of 4:34:04. I had my caravan at Musselburgh so it wasn’t far for me to go to have a long post race rest. It wasn’t long until I was back running and I completed a 5k race in 20:38, exactly one month later. My marathon exploit didn’t have any long time effect and my health continued to improve, returning to work in June 2009.

I say ‘work’ but I really mean the office, my new employer Skills Development Scotland (SDS) didn’t have a job for me and were going through a series of redundancy exercises. I had actually worked for Scottish Enterprise but been transferred with others to the new SDS. Given that my two eldest brothers had died before they had reached the age of 50, I had thought about retiring on ill health grounds but decided that, after being off work for such a long period, getting back into a work routine would be good for me. That said my ‘work routine’ was more than a little lax and I spent more time at the company gym than at my desk. Although some considered that to be a very stressful situation to be in, it suited me fine and allowed me to concentrate on my running and blogging. I’d always need to get a sleep after work and especially if I had a race on in the evening. Even if I was doing a 5k parkrun I would spend the afternoon in bed recovering. I also took the unilateral decision to slowly wean myself of the anti-depressants.

In November 2011, I managed to get a job in SDS which suited me fine and allowed me to resume a normal life. Although the job plays to my strengths and allows me to meet up with some old friends and colleagues, it is still taking its toll on me and I still have to go to bed straight after work in order to recharge my batteries. Perhaps training for a marathon at the same time as starting work again, after so long, was too big an ask. On a positive note the records will show that despite the anguish at London, I actually managed to take some 25minutes off of my 2008 marathon time.

I know that running is good for me and I’m optimistic that one day soon I’ll feel a lot fresher and enjoy my running again. Now that my post marathon training plan is complete, I need to find some structure to my training so I’ve decided to resign from Kilmarnock Harriers, who have been great to me despite the fact that I’ve never trained with them, and join Bellahouston Harriers, who are my local club and have been very supportive to me over the years.

I’ve also agreed to act as a pacer at the forthcoming Men’s Health 10k but apart from that I really don’t know when I’ll race again. Hopefully training with Bella will get me race fit again and I can return to enjoying my racing. In the meantime, please forgive me for not being my usual up beat self.